Essay title: The once and Future King: Religion
Mrs. Vanderzee14 October 2004The Once and Future King: Religion The Once and future queen is the epic struggle between earth and intergalactic invaders. Sometimes this book is epic, but when it is not, rest assured, because it becomes super-epic. This book has a lot to do with religion, because it fulfills all of the prophecies of the bible, a burning bush, aliens, super space-babes, and cocktail weenies. If you do not like this book you are a loser and can only fit in by lying about your taste in books, especially your reaction toward The Once and Future king.
King Arthur is a Japanese warlord from over 700 years ago. He fought in all 400 secret wars involving earth and other planets. He likes to be called mega-cat on the weekends and enjoys long walks on the beach, but that is beside the point of the destructive power of his mighty sword, intrgalactexcalibur, better known as Excalibur, the lady lover. Once when Arthur was at Disneyland he got mad because some dude was breathing too hard and killed like four people, which is why we can’t ride the Rocket Jets anymore, thanks a lot King Arthur.
King Arthur soon fell in love with Merlin, which didn’t fly with Merlin, don’t get Merlin Wrong, he supports, but he aborts. So Arthur moved on to the nest thing that caught his eye, Guinevere. Guinevere is a spy from the future trying to stop the fatal incidents causing the second galactic war, also known as Galactic War II. So when Arthur asked Gwen to go to taco bell with her Gwen said no and beat him up with her super-futuristic powers, which was awesome, awesome to the max. Then Arthur married Guinevere, which made Lancelot mad.
Lancelot was a mole man from the planet Colu, which is the same place Braniac Five from the legion of super-heroes hails from. Braniac Five and Lancelot used to play throw the egg at the ognimatron in the late 1970’s but then the ognimatron attacked back and they soon became the bunt of the jokes. So Braniac five decided to live in the future, thus answering the question, “why are there beef lips in fire cracker meat products?” this made Lancelot sad, so he went to earth, otherwise known as Earth I.
When Lancelot arrived on earth he was naked, because he wanted to look cool in front of the lady friends, but the lady friends were not impressed, they were super impressed. Then Lancelot began to flex, but Guinevere was just eating pudding so he was attracted to her hard to get attitude. Lancelot killed Donald trump and took over “The Apprentice,” all the girls loved him except Guinevere, so he went into the forest and got naked, then stabbed or some thing and Guinevere fell in love with him.
This is when it gets cool. All of a sudden this pudding monster attacked the store, so Lancelot got mad and started boogying really hard, and then the pudding monster got served. Then all of a sudden Arthur came and was like “what about my kool-aid!?” This is when the Kool-aid man approached and was like “OH YEAH!!!” which started the intergalactic war. The people of kool-onia were super-mad at the people of nes-quick planet 9 because they had attacked several times both within commercials and physically. They brought planets to be their allies, but earth loved both so much that we stayed neutral.